Blue roses & tea

Elfin. 20.


My father broke my heart long before any boy had the chance to.

- Tumblr

King’s Heart



I love mornings when I wake to see your small ass eyes.

It makes me feel like home and for a minute I don’t have to be strong anymore; I am safe.


I’m Not the Only One



You say I’m crazy
‘Cause you don’t think I know what you’ve done
But when you call me baby
I know I’m not the only one


‘Just Dinner’

Had a really great night with 2 of my favourite people on Saturday so I thought I just had to make a post on it before the memories of the details fade.






Headed to Joo Chiat Place for some really good ribs and we arrived in the neighbourhood in the evening, just as the sun was setting.

This time of the day had always been my favourite part of the day because of how everything looks so pretty and calm.


Back to what’s familiar. Have been wanting to come back to experience the ambience of this whole place again. It felt so good and just so right.


V capturing photos as I venture off on my own to explore haha


Finally at my current favourite place for Ribs. Smokey’s BBQ American Smokehouse.

Just had it 2 days ago and I am already having cravings for it again.



And of course my friend decides to be creative and wear a shirt filled with little circles instead of proper polka dots ha ha ha


Beef chilli cheese nachos.

It doesn’t look like much but WOW was it simply amazing. I couldn’t stop eating it.


And of course, Buffalo wings with Blue cheese dressing.

Oh god, just looking at this is making me salivate at home.

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I swear I have been raving about it for such a long time ever since I’ve had it for the first time.

It’s the only place in Sg where I am not afraid to get my hands dirty and just dive into the ribs.

So. Freaking. Good.

Would come back for this anytime any day.



Had such a good time at dinner and it really has been awhile since we sat down and talked and had a good conversation. I love how these people get me so easily and how we are able to just talk for hours and simply laughing our hearts out and things that amuse us. Always a good time with these two.

Was planning to just have a good dinner with these two and I guess one thing lead to another. 


Decided to head to Tantrick because apparently at 10pm the night was still considered too young haha


A ton of people would probably wanna kill the person who placed this by their window cause it really was creepy as fuck especially when you were just walking past and you happen to look into their window.

I remember V and Sand like legit freaking out behind me as we were walking to the bus stop to catch a bus to Tantrick ha ha ha

We all discovered our love for Bubble Gum in which my friend conveniently exposed me in the bus by telling everyone how I had gum ha ha ha why are my friends such funny people


Finally got to Tantrick which was a gay pub located along Keong Siak Road.

It was really interesting as it was my first time there and wow was it fun.

It was pretty chill and the place was really well decorated. The people were really friendly and fun too haha ;)


Ordered a jug of Blue Spin which was CRAZY STRONG because of it having 10 different alcohols mixed into this drink.

What was crazy was that the bartender does not measure the amount of alcohol he throws into his drinks so I guess you would get an idea of how strong this was.


Headed to the dance floor afterwards which was probably one of the funniest experiences I ever had in my entire life.

For a first time I had a chance to see two guys share a passionate kiss with each other. I remember me not being able to look away because of how they looked into each other’s eyes after the kiss. It’s nice to see people around you being happy and being so much in love. In moments like these, I smile and feel like maybe this world isn’t all bad all the time.

Decided to leave the place after awhile and we headed down to Lovedrunk near Dhoby area to get beer and to meet up with Huiping’s friends.


Was about to head home after that and somehow or other I ended up at Zouk hahahaa this was when I started to wonder what happened to ‘just meeting up and having dinner’.


Ran into another one of my favourites – Jolene! 

I guess this was probably one of the best thing that happened for me for that night.

Had a nice chat and I went home having so many thoughts in my head about the past.

Can’t wait to meet up with her again along with the rest of my tennis mates. I remember us going through a lot of shit together at one point before and I guess a part of me will always be thankful to this bunch of people who made my poly life a little easier.


Was a really fun and unexpected night in the end.

Sometimes I wonder, how many more of these nights will I get to have as I grow older?

No matter what happens in the future, I’ll always be glad to have these memories forever.

This is what being young is like, right?

Feeling invincible.

Party Girls Don’t Get Hurt


This girl dancing gave me so many feelings.

I guess that’s how you know when a certain art is considered good. 

Simple Answers

“What is the difference? I asked him. Between the love of your life, and your soulmate?

One is a choice, and one is not.”

- Tarryn Fisher (in Mud Vein)



She had a face straight outta magazine

God only knows but you’ll never leave her

Her balaclava is starting to chafe

And when she gets his gun he’s begging, “Babe, stay, stay, stay, stay, stay.”

I’ll give you one more time

We’ll give you one more fight

Said one more line

Will I know you

Now if you never shoot, you’ll never know

And if you never eat, you’ll never grow

You’ve got a pretty kind of dirty face

And when she’s leaving your home she’s begging you, “Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay.”

I’ll give you one more time

We’ll give you one more fight

Said one more line

Be a riot, cause I know you

Well, now that you’ve got your gun

It’s much harder now the police have come

Now I’ll shoot him if it’s what you ask

But if you just take off your mask

You find out everything’s gone wrong.

Now everybody’s dead

And they’re driving past my old school

He’s got his gun, he’s got his suit on

She says, “Babe, you look so cool, you look so cool, you look so cool, cool, cool, cool

You look so cool, you look so cool, you look so cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.”


This song reminds me of so much.


So earlier on this week I went to Bangkok and as I sat here looking at my laptop this Sunday afternoon I figured I should probably do up a post on it before the memories of this vacation become too vague for me remember.

It was a really great few days away from Sg for awhile and I guess T and I really needed that. We just had to get away from the city of expensive and boring things for awhile and just go out there and see new things. This trip did exactly that for me.

Day 1



Always happy to be able to sit in a seat identified by my initial. Lol life’s little thrills.




The mandatory selfie before the flight, with both of us decked in T’s jackets. Apparently he has plenty of jackets so I have taken the liberty to take one and establish it as my own. For some weird reason, jackets that belong to other people feels warmer (to me) anyway.

Landed and got the wifi there for only 299 baht which was about $9.50 for 7 days? Holy shit I was in love with Bangkok right in that moment already.


Hopped right on into Pong’s car and he drove us to where we were staying for the next few days – Ecotel Hotel Bangkok.

I kind of loved how small and quiet it was. I just love small hotels in small alleys cause it just makes the place feel more personal to me. T on the other hand didn’t like it. Sigh. So tough to please the little prince that he is inside.

Headed to MBK in Bangkok after that and walked around.





Had street food after that which was really really good. I could not eat a lot of it though because I was down with fever. :C

Felt myself burning up as I walked through the streets but a part of me didn’t really care cause I was in a different city and I was a different person and it felt good to finally feel something different.



Day 2


Had to rest and recharge the next morning because I was still having a fever.

Was actually really upset that I could not go to Chatuchak market cause I really wanted to take a look at how the place looked like and how the culture was like there. Not to mention do some shopping as well.

Oh well, the next time I go there, I am definitely paying the place a visit.


The boys came back to the hotel to get me after that. Felt recharged after a good sleep.

I feel really proud of myself because this was the first time I was alone in a hotel room overseas.






Headed to get lunch and Pong drove us to this place that served up really authentic Thai food.

It was such a great meal. However I did not manage to snap a photo of all the food as we were really hungry.

Had a taste of green curry together with rice noodles, and oh god was it hella good.

It was something different because back in here at sg, we would eat green curry together with white rice, so it was a nice change.

I should have taken a photo of that before gobbling it all up, haha damn




Selfie with the driver T haha. Pong drove in the end as it was seriously way too dangerous for T to be driving in a foreign country, especially when he isn’t as skilled as the drivers there for the small roads in Bangkok. He was looking so stressed up and I was glad that Pong took over to drive awhile after that.







Had some really authentic sticky rice with HELLA GOOD chicken and papaya salad.

I’m not always a huge fan of papaya salad but the one served up there was really good.

The chicken was so tender and it was just so good overall. I loved how the place looked so simple and clean as well.

Damn, I’m already missing this wonderful place.





Drove across the huge river next to go to Pong’s house. I was really excited as Pong lives in the village area and it was nice to be able to visit these areas and see how the place is.







Everyone meet – DICKY.

He licks too much for his own good but I guess he was just so excited when Pong came back to the house.

I also found it cute how he was really protective of his house.

What made me feel really sad was that when we left, he looked SO sad.

Pong said that he looked this way every single time Pong drives off from home.

This just killed my heart a little more than it should inside hahahais




Entered Pong’s bedroom and had a photo taken with his huge ass bear which I found to be really cute.



Took a drive over to get massages as T was saying that he wanted to try it for some time now.

He got the foot and shoulder massage while I had the full body massage.

It was really weird as I did not really understand the feeling of a stranger just running their hands through my body in the within the first 5 minutes of meeting each other.

At one point of time the lady even unstrapped my bra and I didn’t really know what to feel so.

I guess I will not be going for a massage for sometime again in Bangkok ha ha ha

Headed back to the hotel afterwards to change before we headed out again to Terminal 21 to do some shopping.

Got this really exquisite bag that I loved very much which I might post here next time.




Met this huge cat over there which reminded me of my friend Cat back home.

Shout out to you Tinny if you’re reading this ha ha


Headed to get some really authentic Italian food at a restaurant that was located along a small alley.

It served up some really great pasta and until now I am still thinking about how the pasta tasted because it was just too good.

So glad that Pong brought us there because I really enjoyed myself at this pasta place.






The place looked so gorgeous and this photo did no justice to the place at all.





Me as I was asked to smile for the camera.

Charming, as always.




The seafood pasta that tasted OUT OF THIS WORLD





The pizza was really good as well, and hell was it filling.

Headed to get cakes after!

The best part of the day is always the time when one gets to eat desserts.







The one on the top was lemon cheesecake, followed by green tea with red bean cake on the left and coconut cake on the right.

Personally, I felt like the coconut cake was the bomb but the others were so good as well. Maybe because I personally am not a coconut lover but I loved that cake so I guess that should say something. The cheese on the cheesecake was so light as well and it really does deserve praise.





The green tea with red bean cake was really light and flavourful and I was so happy to be able to try this there as if I was in Sg, it would’ve cost me a hole in my pocket just to take a smaller piece of that same cake. So thankful for Pong to drive us there despite the rainy weather.




Selfie while waiting for Pong to drive his car over outside the cake shop!

It was such a fulfilling day because we managed to do so much stuff and still end up going back to the hotel to rest early.

T and I were marvelling at how little time we took to cover so much ground and I guess I really am thankful for having Pong drive us around Bangkok.


I remember on the way home though, something happened that really struck me hard. We were in a jam on the streets on the way home and it was raining pretty heavily. As we moved slowly towards the traffic light, this small boy ran out into the streets to our car and tried to sell flowers. I was struck by how small and skinny that young boy was and as his tiny frame ran across the road back to where he come from, it was so scary that at his age, he has to be doing that to earn a living.

Pong started to tell us about the slums in Bangkok then and it was just so surprising to me how the income gap could be so different in a country other than our own. Like I thought Sg’s one was pretty bad but the ones there in Bangkok was really bad. It makes me realise how lucky I was to be able to have shelter and food to eat and an education being provided for me. Sometimes I feel like those inspirational quotes that we often see on the internet should be told to these kids and not to us, the privileged few as they could be the ones who actually knows how it feels like and whom really needs those words of wisdom the most.

I wish that all is well for that boy and perhaps someday when I return to Bangkok, I would be able to help him again.




Random but here is a photo of our driver for the few days.

Boss Level: 100



Day 3

Started the day by heading off to Platinum Fashion Mall!

That place was soooo crazy with the shopping as it literally had like 6 levels of stuff for us to shop for and buy.

As T and I walked through the levels we were so tired of looking at clothes at a certain point of time that we actually felt a little bit relived to be leaving the mall after we were done.

As we were leaving, we saw a cold stone outlet at the mall! Immediately went to check it out.




This was their biggest ice cream size and holy shit was it the biggest ice cream scoop I have ever seen in my entire life.

T and I shared one and we were so freaking full after that. Pretty yummy rum & raisin flavour!

Proceeded on to Siam Paragon after that to walk around and we were dead exhausted. Walked over to the streets and I got my nails done as T went to find a massage place to get a massage.

I guess this was a much needed rest in the afternoon cause it was so tiring to walk around the platinum mall.

It was the first time I actually had a manicure and pedicure session. I have never tried it in my entire life because of how expensive I felt it was and how unnecessary as well. Glad I tried it in Bangkok cause it was so much cheaper as compared to doing it in Sg and the service was soo good. A pity my phone died before I managed to snap a few pictures of the place.




A quick and not so pretty shot of my really pretty nails haha

Met up with Pong afterwards and he drove us to get some really good food afterwards!

It was such a satisfying night because of all the good food that we got to try on the third night.




These look like noodles but NO – they were duck intestines!

I was so surprised at how good it tasted given its crunchy texture. A dish that I didnt expect to like.

Our duck noodles came much later and god – were they the BEST duck noodles I have had in my entire life.

The noodles were so bloody flavourful and just so good.

Drooling just thinking about this, oh god.


Next we went on to get some really great pad thai!

It truly was the best pad thai I have ever had and I would definitely queue for it again anytime any day.

And that says a lot for me because I simply detest queuing for food because I really don’t see the point.

But this – omg this was really worth my time. Really good stuff.






Damn –  I have to say, the chefs there were really brilliant cooks. They moved so quickly with all the cooking and I really admire them for being so good at what they do.





Pad Thai with egg! The Pad Thai is inside. Please, somebody take me back for this.




Mmmmhmmm, SO GOOD. Definitely one of the highlights of my trip.





And who knew, they even served Orange juice! And it isn’t just ANY OJ, IT WAS REALLY GOOD OJ.

I have always loved my OJ with plenty of pulps and I could actually taste whole orange pulps from this. Why don’t we have this in SG ):


Headed on to Asiatique after that!

Got on the ferris wheel and finally I could tick something off my bucket list – To get on a ferris wheel ride that is not in SG.

I loved it so much and I honestly had so much fun! It was also a really nice end to the last day of our trip in Bangkok. :)

T isn’t a fan of heights, ha ha ha I am finally cooler than you in one thing ;)






As always he feels the need to disturb me in touching either my hair or my face – even in photos.




Excited before the ride starts! Lol with my Asian Eyes on. Probably got influenced by T ha ha ha





This is me just with more swag


Ended the night back at the hotel.

I remember smiling and hugging T happily because I was thankful for this trip.



Day 4


Woke up early in the morning with T and we started to prepare to go home.

Had a last breakfast with Pong at the airport and had such a good laugh.

Lovely end to this trip.




Somebody take me back to Bangkok again ):


It’s Not That I Don’t Love You.

“It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.”

- It’s not that I don’t love you.(tumblr)

Something Worth Reading


the first time someone tells you these words I hope you stick out your hand and catch the letters in the air I hope you crunch them in your fist I hope you shove them back into the mouth they flew out of I hope and pray you are not eight years old and hanging off of a shopping cart and groaning about how bored you are, I hope you were not young like I was the first time I read a magazine on a shelf underneath the candy I hope you weren’t young because I still thought everything I read had to be true – but better yet, I hope these words never find you.

They tell you to be strong but it’s the little things like this that sit on our hips and tangle in our hair and feel like bees when the night gets dark. It’s the little things we could never ever shake off because the minute we tried, we discovered there were more waiting for us.


smile more often. I hope the first time someone calls you fat, you shimmy your shoulders and wink and feel like a goddess and take it as a compliment. I hope you are not the new kid in a fifth-grade class, glasses on your nose and your hair in tangles. I hope nobody ever touched your tummy and asked if you were embarrassed by the way it jiggles. I hope if you ever hear those words, you reach out your beautiful fingers and touch the temple of the person talking and ask, “Are you embarrassed your brain works like that?”

See, I have not gained weight since the eight grade and I’m twenty. I have had about four hundred people tell me I’m skinny but it’s only the two or three voices about the thickness of my thighs and the fat on my hips – these are the only voices that stick. Don’t give them that satisfaction. Take a bath. Stare at your reflection. Count the flecks beside your iris. Promise yourself you’re not going to ruin your life – you won’t let them win. Don’t let that moment cause ripples. Yank out the cruelty from your system.


stop faking it. Stop engineering your body to be a call-and-response of bruises and shots. I hope you are not fifteen the first time a boy kisses you hard. I hope you do not go home with a bloody mouth and spend the rest of your life thinking love is stained with iron. I hope you are not swallowing your sanity to be with somebody. I hope the first time you let someone touch you, they are someone worthy of your trust – I hope that nobody tries to force you into a label like “frigid” or “slut.”

In the animal world, most males have bright plumage so they can attract mates. In humans, we expect ladies to look a certain way. When you break out of the norm, suddenly you’re rattling chains. How dare you not want sex and still look this way. Maybe people are scared of admitting your body has power – it can turn heads in a baggy sweatshirt. Your body doesn’t need a magazine’s confirmation. Your body’s been through hell and still keeps on living. Put on your heels and stalk down the sidewalk. Take off your makeup. Do what you need to feel awesome.


ignore everything they tell you. Don’t let them in.”

- /// r.i.d (tumblr)


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